Well,... It's been a while since I last wrote a Journal here... I figured that Today would be a good day to do so. Currently, I am typing this while my G.F. () is sleeping. I'm sure she'll eventually read this Journal and, Honestly, I don't mind if she does... It's just that the whole damn thing is depressing. Not just for me, but for her too and I feel like such a loser becasue I can't do anything about it. I guess, though, that I should explain what it is that has me miffed and down in the dumps.

Things have been SOOOO perfect since she got here and, even with the small trivial arguements and "lover's quarrels" that very occassionally happen; my life has been filled with so many blessings and so much love thanks to her! And, to her, I express all of my most sincerest love and graditude for ALL OF IT! I'm so glad that we're together and so thankful to God for bringing us here to this place! I really love to be in your arms, my most Beautiful Angel ^_~. But, yeah... getting back on topic, we ended up moving out and everything was looking awesome! is a Massage Therapist and has had a very awesome job for the last few months she's been living with me at a local hotel/spa. Her job was good, my job has been fairly good, we made the move and looked like we were going to make it, my Birthday was coming up on the first of October, my improv. group and I were scheduled to perform at EXPcon on the 9th, and (after the con) and I were set to go visit her family and get her stuff and animals from Jacksonville (seeing as it was only an hour or less drive to Jack from the con in St. Augustine). We had our finances set. It was already a little tight, but we were rock solid and certain that everything was going to work out perfectly. Then, last saturday, her job let her go.

It seemed so surreal and unreal! One moment, I was at lunch talking to her on her lunch break. We both needed to get back to work, so we said our goodbyes and hung up. about 30 minutes later, I get a call on the work phone from her; balling and sobbing on the other end. They wouldn't even let her finish the work day. Her manager chewed her out in the parkinglot for 20 minutes: degrading her because of her personality, her laugh, her physical appearance, and because of my physical appearance the couple of times I went to bring her lunch. She couldn't understand why all this was going on so, after being ambushed and blasted out in the parking lot, she asked if they were firing her and (low and behold) her boss (the bitch of a woman she was anyways)says "yes." and demands her to return her uniforms and keys. I had an hour left to work, so I had to work it... But, I was reeling inside from this blow... And, still am.

Of all the rotten ass timing in the WORLD! It's the slow season so my hours have been reduced and her income makes up half of what is needed for our bills. For her to not have a job means that I'm the only one working now and (us having figured it out last night), I could only keep us a float until about November. Of course, her final paycheck and the use of my vacation time comes into play, but at the most we could last till the middle of next month by scrimping and sticking tightly to a hypothetical plan whose outcome depends souly on the cost of bills I haven't yet seen being lower then what we've pre-determined that they should be. That means, there is no room for anything. Not my Birthday. Not our trip. Not the performance. Not ANYTHING that would deviate us, UNTIL she can find something to replace her missing job.

In order for us to maintain the current trip plans I'd need between $300 to $350 dollars and,... Well,... I just don't know where I would come up with that kind of money!?!?!? And, to make matters worse, IT'S THE SLOW SEASON! We've been searching for something... Some place that would hire her, but so far we've had two places say "Maybe" with stipulations involved (First one wants her to come train with them and they may give her a job afterwards and the second has to see if they have any time available between their other therapists to be able to hire her)and a Third say Yes, but only at the end of the month. We're still looking now, but things are begining to look very, Very bleak. Thankfully, God has been kind enough to watch over us thus far and is allowing us the small finances to keep us afloat till November. I know he'll also provide an open door for , but I just don't know when or how (which makes things so very nerve-wracking and scary for us in the present).

I feel like I'm not being the provider I should be and I know I'm not only letting her down, but also all of the Guys in my Improv. group too! God knows I'm praying and she is and we're working to try to figure something out... To try to get her started somewhere. I don't want us to lose our rental or the car I'm making payments on. We don't need any more fines and bills breathing down our necks and Neither of us want to have to tuck our tails between our legs and fall back on our folks as they're in as bad if nopt worse situations then we are!

So what does one do; in the face of such darkness and woe descending? This Crimson Dragon has NO CLUE, save to continue to work hard and to cling to the light for life and for Guidance. God will make a way where there seems to be none, but it's all going to be in his timing or not at all... I just pray that help doesn't come to late...

Sincerely and Truely,
Jeshua A. Cook (Lynx Dragunhart)